


Little Talks

by harrietspecter



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-06
Updated: 2012-08-07
Packaged: 2017-11-11 14:10:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/479354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrietspecter/pseuds/harrietspecter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Sucker Punch. They still have issues to work out before they can get back to normal. Issues that are far more complex than just their relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She looked out her window as she moved to close the curtains and sighed. It was late, approaching eleven pm as she looked at the time on her phone. Most of her street was deserted, as it should be. But she took notice of the familiar car. Anyone with half a brain would notice that car. It didn't belong out on the street, it would be in the locked garage beside her building. The windows were tinted, hard to see through at this late hour, but she knew exactly who was in it.

With her phone in hand, she pushed the curtains closed and peeked out one side of it while dialling his number from memory.

"Leave," she told him as soon as he picked up.

"Donna," he began.

"You're reaching the point of stalking, Harvey. Go away. Go the hell home," she told him.

"Then get a restraining order," he said. When she didn't retort, he continued to talk to her, judge her mood. He could always tell what kind of mood she was in by the way she responded to something he said. "Mike said he was the one to finally talk you into coming."

"I'm not talking about this with you. Especially over the phone," she said and promptly hung up.

She moved away from the window and turned off her lights, hoping he would take the hint and go away. She moved to her already darkened bedroom, slinking in the shadows. She knew her condo like the back of her hand, so the extinguished lights didn't hinder her movements. After getting dressed in her pajamas, a simple grey tank top and her Nike sleep shorts, she debated whether or not to continue her Star Trek marathon or look out the window and see if he followed her directions. She moved to the window and looked out. He was still there, after she told him to go. She sighed to herself and resisted the urge to play with the curtains. He sounded off. Of course, he was off even before the trial run. But he sounded hurt. Like the day she told him he was needed at the hospital and he told her to book two tickets on the next westbound flight.

A knock at the door sounded through the rooms of her apartment and she looked at his car one more time before heading to her door. She looked through the peep hole and sighed. Her forehead rested against the door that separated them.

"I know you're there," Harvey said. His voice muffled against the closed door.

"Go away, Harvey," she said.

"I need to talk to you," he said.

"How did you get in?" she asked.

"A neighbour was leaving for work. They know me well enough to hold the door," he said.

"I'm not talking to you tonight," she said. He voice dropped and she looked through the peep hole again.

"Donna," Harvey tried again.

She shook her head. Not that he saw. He was staring at his feet and he didn't have x-ray vision. While he waited for an answer, she studied him. His tie was long gone, a couple buttons on his shirt were undone, and his hair was far from the up-kept appearance he usually had it in.

He must have realised she wasn't going to open the door, so with one last look, as if he knew she was looking at him, he made his way down the hall.

She held her breath as her hand moved to the door handle. Almost as if she had an out of body experience, the door opened and she was quietly calling out his name. After all, the old man across the hall was always chastising her for coming home at a ridiculous hour and being loud.

He turned and she saw the guarded relief on his face.

Her head nodded toward her open door and she left the door opened slightly before making her way back into her place.

He moved quickly, knowing she could and would change her mind if given enough time. He closed the door behind him and found her in her kitchen. The clinking of glasses signalling what she was doing. He shed his suit jacket and threw it over the back of the couch as he sat down.

She took her time, pouring the finest bottle of single malt she owned. Normally, she would have continued to ignore him. But something was going on inside his brain. He was frustrated and had no one to talk to, so he had come here. Despite knowing how upset she still was at him, he came to her. Obviously it was something personal he couldn't talk about with anyone else.

She capped the scotch and grabbed the two glasses of amber liquid. Watching him as he sat on her couch, she took a calming breath before pressing the glass into his hand. Instead of stepping over him like she usually would, she took a seat on the love seat opposite him.

"What happened?" she asked as she watched him. When he was done with that, their talk would finish.

Almost as if he knew what she was thinking, he took a small sip and leaned back into her soft couch.

"I'm sorry," he began.

"We're not talking about us right now. I let you in because you needed to talk about whatever just happened in the time Mike came over to apologise and now," Donna interrupted.

"Hardman targeted Jessica tonight," he said.

"He's had a target on both of you since he came back. Tell me what the hell is really going on or I'll call Ray and have him force you home," Donna said.

"The last day of trial run, today, Jessica told the story of how we met," Harvey began. "You know, the mail room story I told you when I convinced you that we needed to get as far away from Cameron Dennis as we could?"

When Donna nodded, he continued.

"It was her and Zoe's idea. They saw how the partners reacted to me interrupting Louis when you were on the stand. And..." he trailed off. Taking another sip he continued. "She used my mom against me. She used her in order to win the partners over."

"She told everyone?" Donna asked as she leaned forward. This was not like Jessica. Though the woman didn't know the whole story, she knew that he and his mother were estranged.

"Not specifically, no. But she asked what the hell was wrong with me. She said that caring only makes you," Harvey trailed off again as she finished the familiar tune.

"Makes you weak. If you care, they'll walk all over you," Donna finished with a nod. "I know this Harvey. You've gone over it at various points in our history of working together."

When he looked curiously over at her, she continued.

"I understand the words you taught me and you keep close. That doesn't mean I use or follow them all the time," she shrugged.

When he continued to look at her with a quiet stare, she sipped at the amber liquid.

"What made her stop walking all over you?" Donna asked. Donna knew most of the history. It was a long flight to the middle of nowhere that one year, especially on the red eye. He had opened up because she didn't know if the hospital would have called her too. He wanted Donna prepared, just in case his mother did make an appearance.

"The less reliant I was on her, the more she couldn't walk all over me. I stopped caring about her and she left me alone. And then she left for good. I never had to care about her again," Harvey shrugged. "It's worked fine for me up until now."

"God dammit, Harvey. Not everyone is your mother. Not every person is out there to walk all over you," Donna said with a sigh. "You can't hide feelings based on what happened 30 years ago."

"I don't hide my feelings," he countered as he looked away.

"You don't hide anger or disappointment," Donna said. "I mean, look at how dazed Mike was when you told him you were proud of him."

"I tell people all the time how I feel," Harvey said.

"You refuse to show them," Donna told him with a pointed look.

Harvey laughed and Donna looked at him curiously.

"That's the second time someone has told me that in the past few days," Harvey said.

"Then maybe you should listen to us," Donna said.

"I show you," he countered. "I just bought you that Hermès Birkin bag and the Marni bag you wanted. I buy you gifts on all the holidays and our anniversaries."

"I've always been the exception. You know that," Donna whispered and looked at her glass. She missed his eyes whip over to her form.

When she eventually looked up at him again, their eyes caught. They stared at each other, speaking with using any words. They had always been good at that. And it's shown the past few weeks with how many times she's walked to the elevator at Pearson Hardman recently.

"Why? Why me?" she wondered. If he had any hope of surviving and making a breakthrough, he'd have to spill something.

"You know why," he told her.

"I have my theories," she nodded. "But theories are just theories. Scientists collect data and interpret that data to see if their theory is right or falls apart. But all my data is inconclusive when it comes to you."

Donna swallowed the rest of her drink in one gulp. The amber liquid was smooth but punched a kick as it made its way to rest in her stomach. For a moment, she thought it might have been better to eat something more substantial than a few crackers and cheeses for dinner. But she didn't know she was going to invite Harvey up to begin to talk when she was debating dinner.

"Do you love Donna Paulsen?" she asked him as she stood up and embodied Louis. Standing behind the love seat and placing her hands against it, leaning in.

"I..." he trailed off as he looked up at her when she stood. "What?"

"She's there all the time, you trust her with million and billion dollar deals everyday. She caters to your every whim without a single utterance from you. You don't mind that she uses the intercom to listen to private conversations. You won't let her be used by any other attorney in the firm. Do you love Donna Paulsen?" Donna asked as she stared right at him.

"It's..." Harvey trailed off again. "I..."

"It's not that simple, is it?" Donna said as she sat back down.

"That was only a fraction of what I felt," Donna told him. "I was humiliated by Louis. My heart was racing so fast, I thought there was about to be a scene from Alien reenacted with my heart coming out of my chest. I was surprised I was even able to stand up, let alone make it to the elevator without collapsing. All because I choose you, every single time."

Harvey swallowed the rest of his drink and set the glass down on the table in front of him.

"You didn't see anyone's face," she whispered. "Rachel as she gasped. I still don't know if it was in horror or realisation. Zoe looked like she was clearly missing something. Mike finally realised you shouldn't trust Louis to stick to a script. Jessica, though. She knew... she had to turn away because she knows how we feel about each other. But Louis. His face, Harvey."

"I stopped him," Harvey said.

"I came in because I care more about your career than I do mine," she said slowly. "I didn't want your license being stripped away from you, on my conscious. So, I went in good faith and was ready to help your case as much as I could," Donna took a moment to make sure he was listening. "If Louis knows I'm the only thing anyone can ever use against you, what's going to happen the next time? You know Travis Tanner doesn't give a shit about either one of us. He wouldn't stop at do you love Harvey Specter. He would dig into our past and find the skeletons."

"I took the deal," Harvey told her. "I took the deal. I went against Jessica and voted with Daniel."

"But at what cost?" Donna said. "Look at us, Harvey. Look at what's happened to us."

"I... I don't know," Harvey shook his head. "I don't know what to do."

Donna bit her lip.

"All I've been doing lately is losing everything that matters and nothing is going the way I planned. My speech to Daniel actually brought him back to the firm for this hostile takeover. Now you're gone," Harvey said honestly.

"Then fight," Donna told him. "Fight back. I wanted you to fight for me. Maybe you did and maybe you didn't. That doesn't really matter at this point. But fight back against Hardman or I won't be the only one out of work. You know you and Jessica won't be the only ones he drops. Mike's loyal to you, so he's out. Louis won't be able to stand working for a man who looks him over more than Jessica does. Rachel doesn't like Hardman anymore than the rest of us. Harvey, if you don't fight for Jessica, Pearson Hardman is done."

Harvey rubbed his hands over his face. A sign he was exhausted. And not just because of the complex, emotionally exhausting conversation they were having.

"Don't make a decade worth of work go up in flames," Donna whispered. "If you don't do everything you can to sway the partners Jessica's way, you won't be the Harvey Specter I know."

She watched him as he absorbed her words. He looked more exhausted and rumpled than he had when he knocked on her door.

"How long has it been since you slept more than two or three hours?" Donna asked.

"Days," Harvey shrugged and looked over at her as she came closer.

"What are you doing?" he asked as he felt her pick his pockets.

"You're exhausted. You can stay here," Donna said as she pulled his keys out. "I'm moving your car so it doesn't get swiped or stolen."

"I can do it," he said as he stood up.

"No, you can't. You're exhausted, and its almost one o'clock in the morning," Donna said. "Plus, they moved my guest parking over a row."

"We can't park next to each other?" Harvey asked.

"We always drove my car anyways. You don't risk your car in this city," Donna said as she watched him sit back down on her couch.

"Only for you," Harvey said as he closed his eyes. "Or when we go to East Hampton."

He missed the sad smile fall onto her face at his comment.

"I'll be right back," she said and watched him nod without opening his eyes.

She had found him in her bed when she got back from moving his car. He lay there in the unmade mess of sheets and pillows, still in his suit. His face was buried in her pillow and she sighed as she leaned in the doorway.

"There's a perfectly good couch you were supposed to be on when I came back," Donna said.

"Why are you doing this?" Harvey asked half heartedly as he lifted his head only enough to get the statement out.

He was fading fast, the familiarity of her presence calming him. Even if they still had anger and their relationship to deal with, she was taking care of him. But she wouldn't talk about that right now and he needed sleep.

He heard Donna walk closer to him. She grabbed a blanket from the end of her bed and placed it over him without answering his question.

She stood there for a minute longer, waiting to hear his soft, deep breathing before she headed for the couch.

"Because I care about you, a lot more than I'm supposed to," she whispered to his sleeping form.

The next morning, he had woken up in her bed. The sleep he had gotten was finally enough for him to not look like a zombie. He changed his suit from the one he had slept in last night, to the fresh one in her closet. After all, she always had a back up one here. Just in case he slept at the office or spilt something before she came in for work. He had found the items she always kept for him under the bathroom sink behind standard boxes of feminine hygiene products. He wondered if it warded off any guys she brought back from touching his things. Finally finished with his morning routine, he made his way out to her living room.

She was sleeping on her stomach, on the couch. One hand under her body, one hand tucked next to the pillow her head rested on. The tv remote was next to her limp form, the Star Trek DVDs laying out on the table before her. A testament to what she had been doing instead of sleeping in her own bed last night. He moved back to her room and grabbed the blanket he had somehow ended up with last night. He tucked it around her and heard her sigh before he backed away. Grabbing yesterday's suit jacket from the back of his couch and his keys from the entry way table, he made sure he had all his stuff before leaving. As he shut the door as quietly as he could, he missed the soft sigh as she buried herself unconsciously, into the warm blanket that smelled like him.


	2. Chapter 2

Days later, she walked into Pearson Hardman for the first time since the trial run. It was late, slowly approaching 10pm when she walked to the security desk. 

"Good evening Ms. Paulsen. I don't have you on the clearance list," the guard said as she stopped at the counter. 

"I know. It's last minute. I need a signature from Harvey. I promise I won't do anything else," Donna told him.

"I'll need authorisation from one of the partners," the guard waned. 

"Hardman isn't here, is he?" Donna asked. 

"No, ma'am. He left hours ago," the man said. "Ms. Pearson is still here. Okay if I call her? I can call Mr. Specter as well."

"What have I said about the ma'am thing, Fred. Ma'am is for old women and southern hospitality, not New York City," Donna sighed as she nodded to the older man. "Jessica's fine."

"One moment," he said as he picked up the phone and went through the motions of procuring her a badge. A moment later he hung up and printed her name on the guest list, handed her a visitors pass and she signed herself in. 

"Thanks, Fred," Donna nodded. 

"Good to see you, Ms. Paulsen," Fred nodded and watched her pass through the rest of the security to the bank of elevators. 

She was surprised when Jessica wasn't waiting for her at the elevator door of the 50th floor, but she did notice the woman looked up from her office. Their eyes met and Donna nodded her thanks, and continued on to Harvey's office. She chose this late hour for a reason. No one would be around to witness their conversation.

She walked through the darkened hallways to his office. Minimal lights were on, but stacks of files were everywhere. 

"You do your own filing? Sure you know how to use the numerical system?" Donna asked from the doorway. "You can't seem to operate a phone, so just making sure."

"Recalling the numerical system is easier than figuring out the phone in the office. Your phone has about 40 transfer lines," Harvey said as he looked up. 

"My old phone," Donna pointed out. 

Harvey's jaw twitched but he said nothing. 

"I filed those weeks ago," she said as she entered his office. She leaned over and looked at the case file numbers. 

"My new temp decided it would be a good idea to reorganise by the alphabet over case year," Harvey said with a sigh. "I told him to never touch my files again. Still trying to organise your system and the calendar he also ruined. I've been late three times to my own meetings."

"Him?" Donna asked. 

"Jessica hired him. I was fine working alone," Harvey said. 

"All those clients would never get a call back," she said as she nodded to the files.

"That's what Mike is for," he shrugged. "I'd rather not call them back than be late three times. It's ridiculous. He also colour codes my messages, as if I read them."

She shook her head and sighed. 

"Speaking of assistants, I need you to sign this for me," Donna said as she put her purse on the table beside the folders and pulled out her own folder with a single sheet of paper inside. 

"What's this?" he asked. 

"A formal letter of recommendation. It was required for my new job," she said as she handed it over

"What new job?" Harvey asked.

"A new job. Just let it go, Harvey," she said. 

He studied her, watched as she wouldn't look at him.

"You're going to work for him?" he asked.

"He's been looking for an assistant for over a year," Donna said. "He's called every week, wondering if I was fired yet. He meant it as a joke, but I told him yes. He offered and I tentatively accepted."

"I can't let you work for him," Harvey said. "Did you tell him why you were fired?"

"No, and I won't unless he asks. But he's more flexible about these things than you," Donna said.

"He's almost me, but on the other side of the coast," Harvey said.

"I need you to not let me down and just sign the paper," Donna said. "You had your chance to fight for me."

"Name a single time I've let you down," Harvey said as his voice raised.

"Name a single time I've let you down," Donna countered. "And the memo doesn't count. I protected you. Sure, I messed up. I screwed up. But I won't regret what I did, Harvey."

"You admit you did wrong?" Harvey asked.

"I never said I didn't do it," Donna said. "I told you that day in the bathroom that it was gone."

"You need to stop trying to protect me, Donna," Harvey shook his head.

"I will always choose you, Harvey. That's the problem," Donna whispered.

"Then come back," Harvey said. "We've settled. The partners pay out $100,000 each and I get to keep my license."

"You think I want to come back here?" Donna asked with a hollow laugh. Hadn't they discussed her humiliation a few days ago.

When he looked at her with disbelief that she wouldn't come back and be his assistant, she cleared the air.

"I'm infuriated, Harvey," Donna told him. "I was humiliated in front of all the partners, associates, and Jessica."

"I stopped it," Harvey said.

"But not before I had to tell the whole firm I chose you," Donna whispered. It looked like they would be rehashing this again. No less at the office, in the room where she got fired. "What do you think that looks like?"

"A good assistant?" Harvey shrugged.

"An assistant who can't get over the feelings she may or may not have for her boss," Donna shook her head. "I expected you to fight for me. And you let me down once by not firing me yourself. And humiliated me in front of my coworkers when Louis asked the question. You let me down twice."

"Its not that simple," Harvey said as he used her words against her.

"You know, if we're making this about about what I did, let me have it. But you know what? I did a fucking great job for the last decade. And I know you reward me with gifts and bonuses. I know you appreciate my secretarial skills. But when it matters most, you didn't fight. And its not about the lawyer fighting for his secretary. Its about Harvey fighting for Donna. I thought our history together would at least give you some pause. But despite your personal feelings, you didn't even have the balls to fire me yourself. And don't blame Jessica again. If you asked like I thought you would have, then maybe I wouldn't feel this way. And you know what? I would do it all again and still do everything the same. Because despite how much I messed up, I chose to protect you."

"I didn't ask for your protection. I didn't need your protection," Harvey said as he threw his hands up.

"You do, though," she cried out. "Deep down, you knew I would do anything for you. And I did. And maybe I expected it would be quid pro quo. These things show up in our past, and you know you shouldn’t know that I'd do anything for you. But you do, and then you don’t know what to do.”

"We've talked hypothetically about these things, never in concrete detail," Harvey said. "I never expected you to actually do anything like this, ever. And without an apology?"

"I can't apologise for something I did to protect you. I didn't apologise for Cameron Dennis's mess he got you into, I'm not going to apologise for Travis Tanner's mess he got you into either," Donna shook her head. "We've been through too much together for you to expect that of me. I admit I was wrong, but I won't apologise."

"Jessica's never going to hire you back if you don't apologise," Harvey said.

"There's a reason why I'm here to get that letter signed, Harvey," Donna told him.

"I can't sign that," Harvey said. "I can't let you go. I can't let you move across the country and assist some ambulance chasing asshole. No matter how much we dress alike and drive the same kind of car. You can't leave."

"There is no easy road this time," Donna said. "You may have gotten a pass, but Jessica can't look the other way if Hardman is after her. And you know it."

They stared at each other. The dim light making their dark eyes, even darker. The light casting shadows on Harvey's face as he stood with his back to the lamp. She knew the real problem he was having. His confidant would be leaving. The only one he could ever trust to talk to about anything and everything because he knew no matter how angry they got at each other, she'd never betray his confidence.

"Just forgive her, Harvey. Forgive her for never loving you or your brother or your father," Donna said as she raised her voice slightly. "Maybe you just need to grieve for what you've lost. She's never coming back. She's never going to walk all over you again. Maybe if you're ready to do that, then you can finally let someone in."

"No," Harvey shook his head. "No."

"God," Donna sighed as she placed her hands on her hips. "You're drowning and you can't even save yourself, Harvey. No one will be here to toss you a life preserver if they don't think you don't care about them. You already know I'm not here to help you anymore. I can't be the face of this office anymore."

"I care," Harvey said louder than he expected.

"Harvey, you push people away and do things so you're in control of how the world see you. You prefer your clients, your coworkers, your acquaintances, to hate you rather than pity you. You've never told anyone but me the story of you mom," Donna huffed and pushed her hands through her hair as she took a breath. "You don't let yourself be vulnerable and show anything good about yourself. But, I know, deep beneath the surface you’re completely lost and alone and have the lowest self esteem I've ever seen in one of the most successful people I know. You're unable to count on anyone to be there for you and you don't let anyone in because you probably don't even like yourself. And its your mother's fault because one day she decided she wanted someone new every night and didn't care what it did to your family."

"I count on you," Harvey whispered.

"You used to count on me. I betrayed you, I lost that confidant privilege as soon as I shredded that memo," Donna shook her head.

"I can change," Harvey tried.

"You hate change," Donna said as she laughed hollowly.

"What happens then?" Harvey said.

"We can't go on like this. If you care about me, even a little, you'll let me go," she whispered. "You'll sign that paper and let me go."

"I can't," he shook his head.

"You have to," she said as she bit her lip.

His tongue darted out to wet his lips as he shook his head again.

“ _I keep thinking about this river somewhere, with the water moving really fast. And these two people in the water, trying to hold onto each other, holding on as hard as they can, but in the end it’s just too much. The current’s too strong. They’ve got to let go, drift apart_ ," she quoted. They had watched the film together after she had read the novel. She had all but begged him to do it one night. And although he'd never admit it, he liked the film just as much as she did. She wondered if he would recognise it. She took a shuttering breath before summing up. "You have to let go of me, Harvey."

They stared at each other for longer than appropriate. She had a silent tear running down her cheek. She was pretty sure if she was wearing mascara, she'd have raccoon eyes in a few minutes. His tears hadn't shed, but they were there. His eyes glassy as he broke eye contact with her and signed the letter of recommendation without another thought. She took the letter from his hand, ignoring the touch of his fingers against hers and turned. She blindly grabbed her purse she had left on the table and started to walk. She couldn't look back. She wouldn't look back.

He followed at her heels and grabbed her wrist as she passed her desk. Her old desk, he corrected himself. As soon as she stopped and turned her head to look at him, he dropped her arm.

"When are you leaving?" he asked. His voice was raw with the emotion he still had in his eyes.

"No," she shook her head. "I can't let you change my mind at the airport. I can't do that."

They gave each other one final glance before Harvey let her go without another word, watching as she made a break for the elevators.

* * *

They missed Jessica and Louis on one side of the wall, both watching intently at the scene in Harvey's office. Jessica was concerned when Donna hadn't appeared a few minutes after they saw each other. Despite her firing the legal secretary, she still respected Donna on a personal level. Although she didn't have a chance to talk to the younger woman yet, she admired her dedication to Harvey to appear at the trial run. 

Jessica had walked through the other hallway that lead to Harvey's office, the one that Harvey didn't have a direct view of. Knowing if Harvey or Donna caught her looking in, they'd stop whatever they were talking about. She thought it was only her and Harvey left in the building, but Louis watched her purposeful stride and followed quietly. 

They waited at the corner, hidden in the shadows and listened as Harvey and Donna's voices ranged from whispered conversation to actual yelling. Jessica felt more than saw when Louis cringed next to her. She was drawn to them, couldn't look away. It was like a train wreck or a horrific accident and neither party was coming out on top. Not that their argument was about who bested who. Donna was the only one who ever got through the thick armour Harvey built around him. When Donna left, and Harvey was sure he was alone, a stack of files were swept off the table in the corner of his office. He made his way to the windows of his office, watching the smattering of people walking along the curb.

"He's touching his Bird ball," Jessica whispered to Louis as she looked down at the man who was standing with his mouth open.

"What are we supposed to do?" Louis asked. "Where is she going?"

"I have an idea. I have an idea for where she's going and what to do, but its a long shot," Jessica said after a few moments of silence.

"What do you need?" Louis said seriously.

"Know anyone in the airlines business?" Jessica asked.

She watched as Louis's eyebrows raised as he nodded.

"Then let's hope she listens to someone who isn't Harvey," Jessica said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quote that Donna quoted: Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro


	3. Chapter 3

She hadn't packed any of her things, afraid it would jinx her chances, despite the assurance she was a shoe-in. She stared at the letter of recommendation for days. She had placed it on the counter and it would mock her from near and afar. She had wanted him to sign it. So why did she feel like she was about to break both of their hearts all over again? She had only packed the letter away in a folder the day she hopped on an airplane heading for the west coast.

The letter that had mocked her for days was now in a crisp folder, along with two more letters that had ended up underneath her door the morning after her fight with Harvey at his office. She didn't know who had delivered them, but Louis and Jessica's were just as positive and glowing as the one she had written for Harvey to sign. She had wondered when Harvey had broken the news to him, but she didn't want to call and ask. She couldn't cave at this point. They each had to move on from one another.

The doors were heavy, unlike the glass ones at Pearson Hardman. There was no security or elevator banks to take you up to one section of the building or the other. It was only few floors. There was no need for banks of elevators. She pressed for the third floor and waited patiently. The ride was much quicker than the 50 floor ride she was used to. As she entered the glass door emblazoned with Reed and Reed, she realised it was becoming real. The ache in the pit of her stomach and in her heart reminding her that she shouldn't be doing this. But she ignored the aches for now. It would lessen with time. Just like the feelings. 

She had only been in the lobby for two minutes when someone called her name.

"Donna Paulsen?" a blonde woman asked. 

Donna turned and watched as the woman stepped down two steps. She was blonde, her hair up in a thick bun at the top of her head. She had porcelain doll features, complete with the wide blue eyes and perfectly done touch of makeup.The woman's fashion was just like Jessica's. And Donna suddenly wondered if all managing partners had the same fashion designer.

"Lauren Reed," the woman said as she stuck out her hand.

Donna shook it and looked around.

"Nice place. Looks like you remodelled since Harvey and I were here last," Donna said.

"Yes, well," Lauren smiled. "Ben Grogan will change the decor if it doesn't suit his overall mood."

Donna only gave her a placating smile.

"We'll just go to the conference room. Ben has been in court and didn't think to reschedule," Lauren told her as she led Donna up the two steps and over to the glass-paned room.

"I'm here for the next two days anyway," Donna said as Lauren opened the door for them. 

As Donna looked up, she stopped in her tracks.

"What are you doing here?" she asked the woman in the corner and looked back at the blonde behind her.

"It's not an ambush," Jessica said as she stepped out of the corner.

"Where is he?" Donna asked.

"I promise he's not here," Jessica said.

"What are you doing?" Donna asked. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "How did you know I was here?"

Donna stepped fully into the room and Lauren moved in and closed the door.

"You didn't think you'd be able to get away without one of us finding out?" Jessica asked. "You may have a network of assistants along the east coast, but I have managing partners all over the world. Especially when there are so few of us women running our own firms."

"No," Donna shook her head. "No one but Harvey and Ben knew about this. And neither would tell either of you."

Jessica turned and looked away briefly, but Donna's watchful eyes caught her.

"You were there that night," Donna whispered in realisation. "You watched and listened to us."

"You were getting a piece of paper signed. Last time I checked, signing a paper didn't take an hour," Jessica said.

"As much I would like to continue to watch and listen," Lauren interrupted. "I'm just going to let you talk. But please remember this is a law firm. Yelling may be a New York City thing to do, but we try to refrain from that practice in San Francisco."

Jessica and Donna stared at each other, barely acknowledging the other woman as she left.

Donna broke the stare first, sitting down in the chairs closest to her. She heard Jessica take the chair across from her as she set her bag on the chair next to her.

"Does he know you're here?" Donna asked.

"He's visiting the one place he always visits around this week," Jessica said. "I have to get back tonight to make sure something happens. But no, he doesn't know I'm here."

"How much did you listen to?" Donna asked as she licked her lips.

"I don't think you want me to answer that question," Jessica said.

"What are you doing here?" Donna asked more forcefully this time around.

"I'm telling you that you're going to make a mistake if you say yes to this job offer," Jessica said.

Donna tapped her fingers on the wood table, watching her fingers carefully. She got distracted by the perfectly lined row of green apples in the centre of the table. But Jessica's voice drew her back to the moment.

"If you leave now, he'll never trust another person," Jessica said quietly. She lowered her eyes to meet with Donna's downcast ones.

"He didn't fight for me. I was humiliated in front of the firm because of him. And I was furious with him for days," Donna said as she looked up.

Jessica could see the fight behind Donna's guarded eyes.

"He's being tugged a million different ways, Donna. You know he's not good with change. I've had to stop his temp from quitting every night," Jessica said honestly.

Jessica watched as Donna swallowed heavily.

"Take the job, don't take the job. But I saw what happened in the trial run, I saw what happened that night you came to the office," Jessica said as she touched Donna's hand. "But if you leave, you're going to tear a hole in him I'm not sure even I can repair."

"Why can't this be about what I want?" Donna asked.

"It is," Jessica nodded. "It is and it isn't."

"What?" Donna asked. She was confused now.

"You can take the job here. Or I can offer you yours back as soon as Hardman is gone," Jessica said. "You're irreplaceable, Donna. Harvey said as much the night after he lost you."

"But he didn't fight for me. He let me go," Donna said. "He didn't fix it."

"He was barely treading water. Your attempted solution to the problem didn't throw him a life preserver," Jessica said. "Mike's situation was different. He wasn't looking at an enemy at the time. Just a minor problem that's now become a major one to me. He couldn't fight for you like he did with Mike because there was no way he could save himself and you at the same time. And I'm sorry I had to have him once again choose between you and his career."

"Its always been our sticking point," Donna sighed. "But Hardman is planning to stay."

"Harvey and I have wheels in motion," Jessica said. "The blackmail you gave us five years ago may be helping us again. I will win this firm back, Donna."

"I swear I had never seen that memo before in my life," Donna said as she stuck her finger on the table. Her fist formed beneath it. "I know it had my name and date stamp, but that never came across my desk. I know I don't have a memory like Mike's, but you've always trusted my word."

"But you shredded it in order to protect Harvey and now we only have your word for it," Jessica shook her head.

Jessica watched as Donna leaned back in her chair and she noticed the younger woman's wheels were turning in her head.

"Bounce it off me," Jessica said quietly.

Donna shook her head.

"I know I'm not Harvey and I don't have a mind like Harvey. But you can think like him if you say it out loud," Jessica told her.

"Did Hardman ever figure out it was me who got the blackmail material Harvey used to get him to resign?" Donna asked.

Jessica looked confused, so Donna explained.

"Harvey promised to never reveal his source. I had to type up Hardman's resignation letter. I used my code to copy it for a file we made on Hardman, just in case," Donna said.

"He came in late to get his things from his office. Harvey was gone, so I'm guessing you would have been gone, too," Jessica shrugged.

"His office had direct access to every office without a clear view from yours," Donna told her.

"That doesn't explain very much to me," Jessica said honestly.

"He could have gone back on the copier to get my number. You know, how Louis does it all the time when you make Harvey and Louis go against each other for clients," Donna said.

"Our copier stores the numbers. And even if you erase them, only the founding partners have the access code to bring them up again just in case we're being investigated," Jessica said as it finally clicked. "But I still don't see what it has to do with anything with the memo."

Donna pulled out a piece of paper and Sharpie from her bag, scribbling something before handing it to Jessica. She pulled out the file folder from her purse and took out the last piece of paper, handing it over as well.

"If you didn't watch me sign that now, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference," Donna said as she watched Jessica examine the two signatures carefully.

"No," Jessica said honestly. "But you've probably been forging his signature for years when you do his paperwork."

"I'd never do that. I always make him sign every single document. He hates fraud, we all know that," she shook her head. "I only do that on his credit card. But he knows about that, so its not fraud."

"Okay," Jessica nodded. She didn't need to get Donna fired up. "I believe you."

"If it's that easy for me to copy, how hard do you think it would be to plant a memo with my date stamp and signature? Especially by someone who has access to those forensic handwriting people?" Donna asked.

"You think he'd plant evidence to get you fired?" Jessica asked.

"If he knew I was the one that found the missing link? Yeah," Donna nodded. "It doesn't help he knows I'm loyal to Harvey and will do anything to protect him. He knows I've always been on your side and always will be. You don't think he figured out that in order to bring Harvey down he'd have to get through me?"

When Jessica's wheels started turning, Donna continued.

"When he got rid of me, he had free reign over you and Harvey. Everyone knows Harvey doesn't like change. It's not that hard to figure out when I was out of sight, Harvey would go off the deep end. He's tied to you. How long would it be before you'd start going off the cliff with him?"

"I can't go to him based on only a gut feeling," Jessica said.

"I'm just asking you to plant a seed of doubt into the minds of the other partners," Donna said. "You know the vote is going to be split. And this time, it won't be Harvey who has the final say."

"How?" Jessica trailed off.

"You told the mailroom story. He came to me and told me you settled," Donna said as she bit her lip. "We can still trust each other, even when we're mad and confused and don't know what to do with each other."

Jessica nodded.

"By the way, how did you get Tanner to settle. The sticking point was always Harvey being stripped of his license?" Donna asked.

"He found something in Tanner's case files and blackmailed him," Jessica said as she began to trail off.

"Who?" Donna asked as she sat up fully in the chair.

"Daniel," Jessica whispered.

"You're going to have to get that vote before he does. If he can do this under your nose, imagine what he's going to do to the split vote decider," Donna whispered.

"Who is it going to be?" Jessica asked.

"Louis," Donna said. When Jessica looked at her skeptically, she elaborated. "Louis hasn't been feeling the love, lately. Hardman's bought him off a couple more times than you have. And from what Norma's told me over the years, you've favoured Harvey. But anyone with eyes can see that."

"What can I do?" Jessica asked.

"Why are you asking me?" Donna asked.

"Because you know the firm better than anyone I know," Jessica said honestly.

"You better pray to god that Harvey has one over him, and that Louis can trust Harvey," Donna says. "Because despite the threats anyone makes, Louis is his own man with his own set of morals. He'll play the game as long as he can."

"What's Daniel going to do?" Jessica asked.

"You gave him full founding partner privileges back?" Donna asked.

"Minus the books and full client list," Jessica nodded. "Especially Harvey's clients. Those are locked in my desk."

Donna turned back and forth in her chair. Her booted foot hit the chair next to her whenever she turned too far to one side.

"He has the full rights and privileges to name one senior partner a year. I think he'll use that, since you used yours for Harvey last year," Donna said as she looked across the table at Jessica. "He's not going to fight fair. So, you better fight and get on the goddamn train Harvey is building you or you're both gone."

"This is why we need you," Jessica said as she stood up.

"My information," Donna said with a raised eyebrow.

"Your ability to think on your feet and be just as vengeful as Harvey. But with more grace and tact," Jessica countered.

"He let me go," Donna said.

"You don't think going to his father's grave this year, without you by his side, isn't going to change his mind to fight for you?" Jessica asked.

"Maybe if he was alive," Donna said as she bit her lip.

"He's going to remember what you did for him. He always figures it out eventually," Jessica said.

"What if its too late?" Donna asked.

"You know what happens if he's down and outnumbered," Jessica said. She slid an envelope across the table and then moved to the door. "He only fights harder."

Donna heard the door click shut and closed her eyes as she let out a breath. She opened her eyes and still found the envelope sitting in front of her. Pulling it towards her and looking at the messy script, she smiled. Opening it up, she found a boarding pass for a flight back to JFK tonight. On it was a post-it note:

_You're the only one that can handle him. Come back and remind him I'm human, too._

_Your majesty._

_P.S- if he doesn't take you back, I'll have Norma out on her ass faster than you can say I accept._

The door opened and Ben Grogan finally walked through. His suit was crisp, pressed, and expensive. It wasn't Tom Ford, like Harvey preferred to wear, but it was in the same price range as Harvey's suits. The only thing different was the hair. Harvey liked to wear his slicked back and perfect, where as Ben was more laid back and in his face. It was the difference between west and east coast, she guessed.

"You've changed your mind," he said as he stood at the head of the table.

"I never had my mind fully made up," she said as she looked up at him. The brown eyes she was looking into weren't familiar.

"He come talk to you?" Ben asked. His ego deflated right in front of her eyes.

"No," Donna said as she shook her head.

"One day he'll let me take you from him," Ben said as she began to gather the papers she and Jessica exchanged between each other.

"You're going to have to put on your boxing gloves because he's not going to let me go without a knockout fight," Donna said.

"Its strange, isn't it? We have so much in common and yet we are on different coasts, living two very different but very successful lives. I could be him, you know. I'd cut my hair and dye it for you if it helps you adjust," Ben tried.

"You couldn't be Harvey Specter," Donna shook her head.

"You're right," Ben said. "I couldn't."

"I'm sorry for getting your hopes up," Donna told him.

Ben only shook his head. Donna held in a laugh as she watched his hair stay perfectly still. Maybe he and Harvey were more alike than she thought.

"Leo and I have become best bros. I think he may even like me more than Kate," Ben smiled.

"Good for you," Donna laughed with a small smile.

As she went to the door, Ben called her name.

"I don't pretend to know what's going on, but I can see what its doing to you. You can't control it and its scaring the hell out of you. You just have to have the guts to dive in. Don't wait until its too late," Ben said.

"Where did you get such sage wisdom at your age?" Donna asked.

"I'm only five years younger than you and Harvey," Ben said.

"Thanks, Ben," Donna said quietly.

She didn't look back at what could have been her escape. She was holding the first class plane ticket in her hand all the way out of the building and she caught the first cab she could to the airport. When she finally got through security and the right gate, she didn't miss Jessica's look of relief as she sat down next to her in the business lounge. She also didn't miss the way the older woman just smiled out of the corner of her mouth. Almost as if she wasn't supposed to be a witness to said action.

It was early in the morning when their plane finally touched down at JFK. That was the only downside of the red-eye flights: the time you got into the airport that was cleaner, yet more out of the way. It was another hour in traffic before Jessica's driver reached the heart of Greenwich Village.

"I could have taken a cab or even called Ray," Donna said as they pulled up to her building's entrance. "I know you wanted to get back to the firm this morning. And my place is kind of out of the way."

"You came back despite your reservations. It was the least I could do," Jessica said with a shrug.

"Thank you," Donna said.

"Just don't give up on him yet," Jessica said.

Donna only nodded, and Jessica could either take that as a promise or that she'd try not to give up on him. Either way, it was fast approaching the time Jessica should be back at her own condo, preparing herself in order to make things work in her favour. Luckily Donna noticed and was out of the car without another word. As she approached her stoop, Donna briefly had a thought about what Harvey was doing right about now in his hometown. But before she could really ponder the thought, she was already in her condo, shedding her clothes and sleeping the rest of the early morning away. He'd be back tomorrow. She'd have to be prepared for whatever storm front was coming.

\--

It was the day after she came back to New York City that she had found him standing against the wall of her building. She figured he might have been sitting down on her stoop like Mike had, if he wasn't wearing a $12,000 dollar suit. She also noted he wore her favourite suit of his: the light grey Tom Ford two piece with a simple white dress shirt and black tie. It was his favourite suits as well. But he tended to wear it when he was feeling confident and vulnerable at the same time. She could always tell which by the colour of his pocket square. It was black, which meant he was confident and even a little bit determined.

"I don't blame you for running after all these years," Harvey said as he leaned away from the wall.

She kept her head up and tried ignoring him as she paid the cab driver.

"I would do the same, if I had a choice," he continued.

When she only looked at him, he shifted from foot to foot. He stuck his hands in his pockets and bit his lip before looking at her in the eyes.

"If you're going to yell at me to leave, just do it now," he told her.

"I don't want you to leave," was all she said.

She moved to the door now and began shifting on her own feet.

They had never been this awkward with each other before. It was disconcerting. But he had only one question that would get them back to where they had been before all this happened.

"Donna," he called out as she reached for the door.

The question was already on her face as she turned, so she didn't say _what_ out loud.

"Can I come up?" he asked.

She nodded and he watched as she continued to hold the now open door, open for him.

"You look great, by the way," Harvey said with his smirk he reserved only for her. The one he had given her after her performance with Louis last year. The one where he had found out she used her acting skills to con him into letting her parents stay at his condo.

"Bullshit," she said and couldn't help the light laugh as she looked down at herself. 

The dark denim jeans and white shirt hid most of her form. The shirt only peeked through the black blazer. The black Louboutin boots, that he had given her for Christmas, matched the blazer perfectly. She was far from her usually fashionable self he usually saw at the office. She was also pretty sure her eyes had red circles from the long flights back and forth she had tried to sleep away yesterday. It didn't work out well for her. Her body was now confused as to what time it was. But he apparently enjoyed the look, as evidenced by the stare she was receiving from him.

When they finally reached her condo, he had shrugged out of his suit jacket and watched as she placed her things down by the table.

"How was your dad?" she asked. She had forgotten all about it until Jessica reminded her yesterday or the day before yesterday. The whole San Francisco thing was still kind of a blur and she didn't really seem to make any sense of it right now.

"Fine, I guess," Harvey shrugged.

"Why are you here this time?" Donna asked.

"I'm getting you back," Harvey said.

"No, you're not," Donna shook her head.

"Jessica and I have a plan," Harvey said. "First wheel in motion got underway when I was visiting my dad."

"You used Mike, didn't you?" Donna asked.

"This is a civil war, Donna. You use all the people you can get," Harvey said with a raised voice.

"Why did it have to be me?" she asked as she stepped closer to him. Why had Daniel Hardman chosen to go after her. She knew deep down her assessment to Jessica was correct, but she needed him to back her. "Why did I have to be the first casualty?"

"Because you're the only thing anyone can ever use against me," he said quietly.

She began to hit his chest in anger, confusion, betrayal, and sorrow. She was angry at Daniel Hardman for doing this to her, doing it to them. To make Harvey doubt in her and her ability to do her job. Never in the twelve years together, had he ever thought about letting her go. Not even when he had wanted to kill her in the bathroom for shredding the memo. She was confused as to why Harvey was fighting now for her. He could have been fighting for weeks, but instead he was just now stepping up. And she was still upset this had occurred around the one time of the year when Harvey still needed her to get through the day. Despite five years passing, the death of his father was still fresh in both their minds. It always would be. And she didn't even get a chance to go with him this year because she was off on the other side of the country, looking for a job she turned down.

He reached for her flailing arms and held on tight. Donna tried to shake him off, but he kept holding on, until she stopped crying and he felt the fight go out of her. He pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her. Without realising it, she had her arms around him. They stood together like that, just inside Donna's door, for what seemed like ages. Not saying anything, just holding each other, while the fight seeped out of her, realisation washed over both of them in the slightest wave.  For a moment, it seemed like they were one person with how wrapped up they were in each other.

"I need you," he whispered into her hair, pressing his cheek against her temple.

"You have to win the war first," she sighed. Her breath was hot against his neck, warming the already warmed skin.

"Are you going to leave?" he asked quietly.

"No," she shook her head.

He moved his head so he could see her face, watching her reaction carefully.

"Everybody always leaves," Harvey told her. His voice still low and full of the emotion he was yet again showing. His mother had left him first. But he no longer cared about that woman. His brother was off doing his own thing, living his own life. Only getting together for every other holiday, every other year. And then his dad had suddenly left him. He had abandoned him when he was finally getting things done, when he was finally going somewhere. She was the only one that stayed. But to him, their connection was tenuous at best if she wasn't in front of his office door every morning.

"I won't," she said with the most serious expression he had ever seen her give. "I promise."

Their revelations were finally fulfilled. They had their own version of a heart to heart. Their friendship was still shaky but repaired from the chaos of her firing. They had a simple understanding, simple moments, and a simple respect for one another. She would still keep his confidences, he would still trust her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> characters you probably don't recognise: From USA's Fairly Legal. Ben is basically a West Coast version of Harvey. I highly recommend season two. We never talk about season one. Plus, Ben's not even in season one. So, why bother if you're going to start.


End file.
